Celebrate July 4th with a Vengeance!

July 4th last year came just a little under a month after I lost my son. I certainly wasn't in the mood to celebrate, much less to hear all of the kids running around with their parents. I didn't want to be told about the picnic where so-and-so announced they were pregnant. I just wanted to be left alone, and prayed that my house wouldn't burn down from the idiots who were allowed to play with explosives.

This year, I have a different view of things. I've lost two more children, and my grief is still strong. However, I'm starting to realize that until I'm graced with that baby that my husband and I want so badly, I'm going to enjoy every second of rubbing in my non-parenthood to those who just had babies.

With very very loud fireworks.

I'm talking about those window rattlers, the ones that don't make any pretty colors, the ones that set off car alarms. Completely legal, and unabashedly loud. I'm sure you've sat in your house at some point or the other and thought why do people bother with those?

Here's a good reason. Let's celebrate our own lost angel's short lives, and their freedom, wherever they have gone. Let's celebrate our ability to have known these children of ours for as little or as long as we did. Let's celebrate our love for our spouses, who helped us bring those children into our lives. Let's celebrate with a very loud *BANG!* every hour.

And then let's secretly giggle as we watch those parents who have been parading their babies and making insensitive comments go running. It's a small bit of celebratory vengeance. Now I just need to find earmuffs for my dog...