Stupid Situation #8: Stop Patiently Waiting

It is commonly said that we fear those animals that have traits that are lacking in ourselves. I became embroiled in a conversation about the praying mantis the other day, and how I had a long, terrifying drive home a little over a year ago with one of these insects clinging for dear life on my windshield (of course right in front of where I had to look). My husband assured me that it would "just blow off", but no, that little bastard stuck on the windshield for that entire fifteen minute drive home. Then I happened to spy one at the cemetery many months ago, and it flew right past me.

It struck me...what trait do praying mantises have the most of? Patience. They can wait for an unfathomable amount of time for prey, or to do much of anything. Me? Not so much. When I teach, I have all the patience in the world. For everything else? Get out of my way.

Those of us who have lost a child, have not only had a child stolen from us, but time. It takes time to get our cycles back to normal. It takes time to wait for that ovulation time. It takes time to wait to pee on a stick. And if we're lucky, it takes time to go through that pregnancy where hopefully, we will finally take one home with us.

Waiting.

More waiting.

And more waiting.

I hate waiting. But one of the things I'm starting to realize, is that I have no choice. The other day while using a ferning microscope (to see if I was about to ovluate) and was heartbroken to see no ferning pattern yet. Later on, I looked in the little microscope again to see that perfect ferning pattern. All I needed to do was be patient, and wait.

But for those people who say "just be patient and it will happen", they're not correct either. It's not going to happen being patient, and screw being patient while we're waiting. What I propose we do need to do, however, is embrace that river of life going on around us. I know I've been sitting on the banks, twitching, afraid to step in the river, yet afraid to sit still. Not only am I feeling myself getting older, but I'm purposely putting myself in a position where a year is going to go by, and I will have absolutely nothing to show for it.

So I'd still like to tell those people who said "just wait, and it will happen" to shove off. If we have to wait, let's not be patient about it, let's embrace those dreams and passions we have, and carry the love of our children with us. I've already scheduled an appointment to dye my hair dark (as I'm blonde), and scheduled a crazy six day vacation somewhere that I never thought I'd be going just to be able to meet Amanda Tapping who I admire for her own strength and perseverance, and I'm going to write and work to get my book published like my life depended on it.

I don't have to be patient. But in the meantime, I do have to live. And when that BFP arrives, I'll just smile and keep on. And wait. But not patiently.