Stupid Comment #6: If You're More Careful This Time, You Won't Lose the Baby

It sickens me that I even overheard someone saying this comment. In fact, it was said to a dear friend who miscarried along side of me this past May. The "well-meaning" person actually had the audacity to suggest that those of us who have lost a baby did so because we did something wrong, because we ate the wrong thing, because we exercised too much. Oh, and that we did it on purpose.

Let me remind everyone out there, and I will step into delicate territory for a moment, that there is a difference in the term abortion and miscarriage. Those who wish to get rid of their babies and go to a clinic are quite a bit different than someone who was already dreaming up names for their child when their dream was stolen from them. Most of the women I know were giving up caffeine, and hot showers, and alcohol, and junk food, and half a million other things because they wanted this baby to be healthy and happy.

People don't seem to realize that getting pregnant after a loss is terrifying. These women who were so careful before are now neurotic in what they will or won't do. They won't cross their legs if that's what they were doing when they lost their angel. These women are terrified, and they will do whatever it takes. I'm pretty sure if you told one to stand on their head every day for an hour, they would do it.

Sadly I'm not pregnant again yet, but I had better not hear this one said to my face. Otherwise, I'm going to parrot it back and tell them that they better worry about being careful around me.