When You Lose a Baby, Your Next Pregnancy Should Get a Free Pass

Losing one pregnancy or baby to SIDS is bad enough. Why must I constantly see my friends, loved ones, and even my husband and I go through multiple losses and heartbreak before they are able to bring a baby home?

I think the universe should give any baby loss mommy a free pass on their next pregnancy, provided that they don't fall into the category of doing something so amazingly stupid which caused them to lose it (since I've seen too many stories of women abusing drugs, deciding that being pregnant is the time to take up contact sports, etc. and being surprised when their baby doesn't make it).

After all, going through another pregnancy is terrifying in and of itself. For me, having lost two early, the first trimester is a huge hurdle. When will I be told that the baby has stopped growing, or the heartbeat is too slow, or I'm sorry, we can't find a heartbeat. Once that hurdle is gone, then there's the later term loss hurdle to get through. A perfect anatomy scan is wonderful, but my son's was perfect. A stricture in the umbilical cord is impossible to detect except by future growth scans that for a first normal pregnancy no one would get.

Then if you lose again, you feel like your pawn has been knocked off the board game. It's not like the women who are on the Start space, trying to conceive. You're knocked into this "other" realm where you're a child again, watching everyone play a board game and you feel like you don't know the rules and will never be allowed to play, much less to cross the Finish line.

Women who have been through these ups and downs need this free pass. We at least need to know that even though we'll stress through another pregnancy, that things will come out okay. We don't need more stress, and more pain. We need comfort. We need to be able to flash a badge that says "Baby Loss Mommy - Free Pass to a Perfect Rainbow Pregnancy" when things get rough.

If anyone ever finds one of these, let me know. If I ever do, you can bet that I'll be sharing with all of you.