Why is it that these are the same women who can also quote the age-old saying of "Every pregnancy is different"? If every pregnancy is different, that means that the wheel of fortune starts spinning each time you get pregnant. Just because you made it to the final round and came out with the grand prize, a healthy and living baby, does not mean you have been granted super powers and your next pregnancy will be perfectly fine. I sincerely wish this was the case, as we all do, but we all know quite differently.
All pregnancies are fragile and subject to Russian Roulette. Baby loss mommies know this all too well.
I look at the women who have never had a loss and take their children for granted and I think how lucky they are that the wheel didn't land on them. For those women who are finding out that the wheel doesn't discriminate? We've been there. For those of us who do not yet having a living child, the deeper fear creeps in that we may never know that love.
I miss my children every day, but one thing I know is that I am a better and more sympathetic person because of my losses. This is the gift that my children left me when they took my soul away. I can only hope that for those women who thought they had that cape of invincibility that they become better and more caring people too.
It's so true. Also, just because you can't imagine life without your baby/pregnancy, doesn't mean you will carry to term.
ReplyDeleteMy big issue with losses is that it's so uneven. Some people go through many and some people manage to defy the odds and never go through it. I've heard about mamas who've had 9 miscarriages with no LC... I also know that the recent loss was only the 2nd one for the Duggars out of a total of 21 pregnancies with 19 LC. She defied the odds. How come it can't all be even. :( I would never wish losses on anyone, but the excessive losses some people have to go through is just terrible.
I'm glad to hear your rainbow pregnancy is going well so far. How far along are you now?
Hi Tisi,
ReplyDeleteNew to your blog but am a fellow angry baby loss mom. Twice unlucky. I find myself somehow thankful that of all the emotions I deal with, "why me" doesn't seem to be one of them. I don't have low self esteem I just never felt somehow less vulnerable to the roulette of bio pregnancy. When people ask if my M/C was related to my Westley's death I have to explain that each pg starts with a simple 1/4 chance that has nothing to do with all the variables. People just don't know that part (the lucky ones).
Anyway I thank you for your bbc posting which led me to your blog. The more I feel I am not alone the better I can bear this terrible sadness and the unknown that yawns out ahead. Will we ever? Keeping you in my thoughts and sending you some ehugs today.
Amen!
ReplyDeleteThroughout my pregnancy with my daughter (who was born stillborn after a wonderfully healthy 38 weeks), I worried constantly about losing her. I never took it for granted that she would automatically be coming home because "things like that just don't happen." Of course, I kept managing to convince myself I was being silly. I never imagined that I might actually lose her. I kept hoping that my acknowledment of the possibility would keep me safe. Obviously, that doesn't happen either.