It's surprising that I haven't been thrown into this situation until now, but one of my friends is getting married and she's having her Bridal Shower this afternoon. I had told myself that I would not be able to handle a Baby Shower, even for my best friend (assuming she got pregnant, which she isn't), but a Bridal Shower? This I could do.Until I learned there would be at least two babies there.
Everyone handles their grief differently. Most of us stay well away from babies and small children because it's too painful of a reminder of what we don't have. A few of us rush to hold someone else's baby because it's a part of their healing process. Me? I don't want to be around any until I have my own in my arms. Even then, I can't say as when it will be comfortable for me to recognize that other people have had them too.
I realize I can't avoid babies. They're at the stores, my neighbors had them (three of them at once this past summer which was just a thorn in my eyeball every time I walked outside), they're being pushed around anywhere and everywhere you look. But I definitely can avoid getting in my car and deliberately driving somewhere where they will be right next to me, especially during this final week of my "loss zone". I can avoid a situation where people are going to pass around an infant and as a woman I'm supposed to coo and hold the baby.
The next baby I hold will be my own. Living and breathing. Or I won't do so at all.
And as I sat here thinking about excuses that I could make to not attend, my dinner decided not to agree with me and I've been gifted with a horrible stomach ache. I'm sending up my thanks right now.
I hope this last week goes quickly for you. I still get sad when I see babies too, so I know where your feelings are at.
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